Raising a boy.

Dear Beck,
My sweet sweet boy.

Once someone asked me what would I do if my son were to turn out gay,
and I remember just saying “I’d still love him. What would be different?”
At the time I went to a Christian college, and didn’t really know that much
about homosexuality, except that “the bible says its wrong”.
When I was pregnant with Riley my best friend came out to me
and it changed so much in my world.

Then I was pregnant with you and people would tell me that
you were going to be so beautiful and break so many girls hearts.
And I’d say “Or boys”.
It always made people uncomfortable.
I think because as parents we have these plans for our children,
college, marriage, grandchildren.
I didn’t want to apply those plans to you or your sister.
Maybe to save myself the trouble later if you were to come out to us.

Growing up and in college I heard that to prevent a boy from becoming
gay, he needed to learn to not be sensitive, and any interest in girly things,
should be discouraged. Sports encouraged instead.
I disagree of course.
I believe that your sexual orientation is decided before you are born.
I don’t think that we have any hand in who we love or are attracted to.

So I will raise you as I see fit.
Beck, you are your own perfect little person.
You have your likes and your dislikes.
We will encouraged you in those that are your strengths,
and even in areas that are your weaknesses.
You will be taught to be a gentlemen to EVERYONE.
We will teach you to be kind, and giving, and compassionate.
If you want to participate in sports, then you can.
If you’d rather do music and dancing, then you can.
If you want to do EVERYTHING, we’ll attempt to help you do so.

I promise that if you want to cry, I won’t tell you to stop being a girl
(even though I have)
I’ll hold you.
You will learn how to clean a house and to cook food.
Believe me, your future partner will thank me, and you!
But I hope you also learn how to fix a car and change a tire because cars
break down. And maybe it’ll be someone else who is need of the help 😉
I will be teaching you to always open doors, and pull out chairs.
Sure, we all like being independent, but the gesture is always appreciated.

You’re growing up in a house where your parents see each other as partners.
We don’t step into “normal” gender roles. Not because we disagree with certain gender roles, but we do things according to our personalities 🙂

We will introduce you to God.
We believe in Him.
And if you choose to believe, or not believe, its your choice.
We will love you nonetheless.

We tell you how much we love you constantly.

It is okay to express your feelings. Openly.

That doesn’t make you less of a man.
Right now you are a little boy, that I have the duty of raising,
but I know that you will grow into an extraordinary man.
Not because of your orientation, or your likes,
but son,
your heart & your actions.
They will speak volumes of your character.
Which is true of your father and your god-father.
The best two men I know, and who happen to have different sexual orientations.

So, no, I’m not afraid of you turning out gay or even straight,
I’m more concerned with raising you to be a great man.
I’m more concerned with how you’ll treat someone you love,
if you’ll cherish them the way they’re suppose to be cherished.
If you’ll take care of them, and hold them when they’re in need.
If you’ll be open and honest when they’re asking you to be.
I never want you to have fear that you have to be a certain way,
to be seen as a man.

And I want you to know,
above all,
we will always be proud of you, and proud of who you are.
You are forever my baby boy.
Forever the little boy I wished so hard for.
I will always see you as perfect because you’re made by God,
made for me.
You are my little prince, and I’m your biggest fan.

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This entry was published on September 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm and is filed under Beck, Life. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

3 thoughts on “Raising a boy.

  1. This made me smile, your awesome 🙂 If only there were more moms out there like you!

  2. Erin Moussallem on said:

    Beautifully said, Marge. Your children are blessed to have such a kind-hearted and loving mother.

  3. this is perfect. good for you all.

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